Crisis Journal: Entries V-VII
Monday 3.30.20
The new schedule for New Trier's remote learning is frustrating as all hell to me, but I suppose that the school is planning for remote learning to be a potentially long-term part of our education. Although we're scheduled to return to school by next month, I don't think that it's that unlikely for all learning to be done remotely for the remainder of the school year. While I suppose it's nice not having to wake up quite as early as I used to or having to deal with taking the bus, I miss seeing my friends every day and giving them hugs. Besides, I kind of hate video calls in general and try to avoid them whenever possible, barring a few exceptions.
I went out the other day with my friend for a drive and we were hoping to pick up a few other friends along the way, but no one's parents would let them go out since it was late and everyone was social distancing. My friend and I were too, but we were both at the point where we needed to go out and socialize or we felt like we would genuinely lose our minds. While it was a blast and all, I do feel some guilt looking back on it, especially since I've not been feeling well. I plan to continue to self-isolate throughout the remainder of quarantine, but it's definitely difficult.
I think I hit the peak of my illness--hopefully, at least--over the weekend, but I still don't have an appetite so I feel weak and lethargic most of the time. Initially, I was drawing and pursuing more creative outlets, but as the days go on, I find my motivation and inspiration kind of draining out of me. I have been listening to more music though; a couple of my friends and I like to share what music we're listening to if we think it's meaningful enough. I have a very similar, obscure music taste as one of those friends, and we've both found ourselves listening to some damn powerful songs we used to know freshman year when we were both really struggling that we recently re-discovered around the same time. It takes me on a bit of a nostalgia trip, and sends bizarrely comforting chills down my spine.
Wednesday 4.1.20
Recently, actively practicing gratitude has become a part of my daily routine. I find myself trying to make certain that the people around me know that I appreciate them and their company, even if we may not be able to see one another face-to-face for a while. Despite that, I tend to have brief, sentimental conversations with people and then I kind of just stop opening or answering their messages. It's not even that I don't want to talk to them--they're the only sense of consistency in my life right now. To be honest, I'm not sure why I do it. I guess now that I have the means to just leave a conversation whenever I want, I find myself doing it quite a bit.
Having said that, I do find myself reaching out of my usual comfort zone and actually interacting with and meeting new people despite the quarantine. Most of my day today was spent calling and playing games with some of the others that are actually active on the Discord server started for the quarantine. Meeting people has always been something I've struggled with--I get in my own head too much and end up screwing myself over. But it's been nice since most of us don't know one another but still go to the same school or live in the same area, so it's been this happy medium of having a sense of both community and privacy.
Friday 4.3.20
Things have seemed to kind of wind down for now, but I recently read an article saying that the CDC expects the virus to expect our daily lives for the next two years, and stated that they expected a second wave of infections. I'd been talking to my mum about the Hong Kong flu, which kept coming back during the colder seasons for three years. I'm just hoping that this pandemic isn't as out-of-control as Hong Kong flu was.
Most days, I've been calling with people on Discord for most of the day. Yesterday, I ended up in a call with someone for literally eleven hours and today I was in and out of one-on-one and group calls, playing games and sharing music and just vibing. It's been nice to have a voice, or like five, to listen to throughout the day. I'm not a super talkative person, so when I'm in a group call, I don't tend to talk very much unless something really interests me, but it's nice hearing people scramble to talk over one another, honestly. I always hated how noisy the school was--it always gave me migraines--but when all the background noise is gone, somehow the silence feels louder.
The new schedule for New Trier's remote learning is frustrating as all hell to me, but I suppose that the school is planning for remote learning to be a potentially long-term part of our education. Although we're scheduled to return to school by next month, I don't think that it's that unlikely for all learning to be done remotely for the remainder of the school year. While I suppose it's nice not having to wake up quite as early as I used to or having to deal with taking the bus, I miss seeing my friends every day and giving them hugs. Besides, I kind of hate video calls in general and try to avoid them whenever possible, barring a few exceptions.
I went out the other day with my friend for a drive and we were hoping to pick up a few other friends along the way, but no one's parents would let them go out since it was late and everyone was social distancing. My friend and I were too, but we were both at the point where we needed to go out and socialize or we felt like we would genuinely lose our minds. While it was a blast and all, I do feel some guilt looking back on it, especially since I've not been feeling well. I plan to continue to self-isolate throughout the remainder of quarantine, but it's definitely difficult.
I think I hit the peak of my illness--hopefully, at least--over the weekend, but I still don't have an appetite so I feel weak and lethargic most of the time. Initially, I was drawing and pursuing more creative outlets, but as the days go on, I find my motivation and inspiration kind of draining out of me. I have been listening to more music though; a couple of my friends and I like to share what music we're listening to if we think it's meaningful enough. I have a very similar, obscure music taste as one of those friends, and we've both found ourselves listening to some damn powerful songs we used to know freshman year when we were both really struggling that we recently re-discovered around the same time. It takes me on a bit of a nostalgia trip, and sends bizarrely comforting chills down my spine.
Wednesday 4.1.20
Recently, actively practicing gratitude has become a part of my daily routine. I find myself trying to make certain that the people around me know that I appreciate them and their company, even if we may not be able to see one another face-to-face for a while. Despite that, I tend to have brief, sentimental conversations with people and then I kind of just stop opening or answering their messages. It's not even that I don't want to talk to them--they're the only sense of consistency in my life right now. To be honest, I'm not sure why I do it. I guess now that I have the means to just leave a conversation whenever I want, I find myself doing it quite a bit.
Having said that, I do find myself reaching out of my usual comfort zone and actually interacting with and meeting new people despite the quarantine. Most of my day today was spent calling and playing games with some of the others that are actually active on the Discord server started for the quarantine. Meeting people has always been something I've struggled with--I get in my own head too much and end up screwing myself over. But it's been nice since most of us don't know one another but still go to the same school or live in the same area, so it's been this happy medium of having a sense of both community and privacy.
Friday 4.3.20
Things have seemed to kind of wind down for now, but I recently read an article saying that the CDC expects the virus to expect our daily lives for the next two years, and stated that they expected a second wave of infections. I'd been talking to my mum about the Hong Kong flu, which kept coming back during the colder seasons for three years. I'm just hoping that this pandemic isn't as out-of-control as Hong Kong flu was.
Most days, I've been calling with people on Discord for most of the day. Yesterday, I ended up in a call with someone for literally eleven hours and today I was in and out of one-on-one and group calls, playing games and sharing music and just vibing. It's been nice to have a voice, or like five, to listen to throughout the day. I'm not a super talkative person, so when I'm in a group call, I don't tend to talk very much unless something really interests me, but it's nice hearing people scramble to talk over one another, honestly. I always hated how noisy the school was--it always gave me migraines--but when all the background noise is gone, somehow the silence feels louder.
Comments
Post a Comment